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Commercial : “Don’t drink & drive”

by nuch

Last week I’ve got an assignment for creating scripts or plans for 2 commercials on which I can pick any product to work.  The following is one of my idea for creating a commercial for “Don’t drink & drive” campaign.


Commercial : “Drink don’t drive”

EXT.  STREET – NIGHT

A middle-aged man is drinking vodka in his car, and is watching a young boy walking out of the bar with his skateboard.

EXT. STREET – DAY

A camera cut into black and white shot of the middle-aged man’s thought.  It was a daytime, and the young boy, carrying a brown bag, was skateboarding very fast and hit a pregnant lady.  She collapsed with the voice of pain.  A couple cans of beer bounce in slow motion. The middle-aged man came to help the lady and noticed blood coming out along her legs.  The boy was shocked.  He picked up his skateboard and ran away, but just before he was about to run, he looked at the lady and said sorry.

EXT. STREET – NIGHT

Cut into the shot of the man drinking vodka.  He’s still watching the boy with skateboard with his blurry eyes.  The boy is picking up his cell phone.  The middle-aged man is drinking another sip of vodka.

INT. HOSPITAL – DAY

Cut to black and white shot.  In front of the emergency room, a doctor was saying sorry for the middle-aged man for his lost of his first child, and suggesting him to forget about having a baby, because it’s too risky for his wife to have one at this age.  The man was crying.

EXT. STREET – NIGHT

Cut back to the drinking man.  He’s sipping vodka again, and is still watching the boy who is talking on the cell phone and is walking pass the big tree.  The man sees everything in vague picture.  Then extremely close up to the middle-aged man’s eyes of fury.  He kicks the accelerator.  The car is moving toward to the boy very fast.  Camera cuts to the boy turning his face to the car with shock, then cuts to the man who is about to close his eyes.  Fade to black with the crash soundtrack.  Fade in the picture of the car hitting the tree and the boy watching that with shock.
.A text comes up on the screen, “Drink don’t drive”.


 

After reading it a couple times, I sensed some flaws in my idea which I still have no idea what they might be.   Please feel free to show your opinion.  I would be grateful for your comment.

P.S.  Originally I used “Drink don’t drive” according to the campaign’s tagline that I found on American websites.  However, after today presentation, the instructor suggested to change it to be “Don’t drink & drive” with the reason that it’s more understandable, and correct grammar.

10 Responses to “Commercial : “Don’t drink & drive””

  1. Noopook Says:

    Too much “Cut to”.
    First and second EXT. STREET – NIGHT
    didn’t show much about the progress of story except the middle-aged man became more and more drunk.

    What is in the brown bag the boy carried? cans of beer? So the boy is drunk too? Is that why he made a terrible accident by hit the pragnent woman?

    The most important question I have after I read the story is not anything about don’t drink&drive at all, but about revenge.

    May I make a suggestion? how about take the boy out of the story. The middle-aged man is drinking vodka while he driving, flash back to his pragnent wife have an really bad car accident by someone. He drink more and think back about what doctor said about they can forget about the baby. He’s sad… cry.. drink more.. cry more.. then.. an Accident!! he hit another car ..died or not , in another car, there is someone’s pragnent lady.

    This loop story can ask the audience about where should they prevent this tragic story from happening… Yes, the answer is to stop having a baby!!! No, I mean, Don’t Drink&Drive.

  2. ม้าลายกระป๋อง Says:

    Umm, if that man didn’t drink, he won’t miss that boy :D
    The main idea is Don’t Drink&Drive, I think I always saw many commercial about someone drink&drive then… BANG!!! an accident happened.
    Althrough there’re a lot of this kind story, ppl still ignore it.So maybe it might work when you try to say the samething in a different way.
    For example, If you want to kill…
    If you want to hit someone by a car, Don’t drink :D
    So funny!!!
    Maybe you can cut the tragedy part and focus on the murderer part instead.
    I think it is more fun and maybe ppl will remember this commercial and talk about it :P
    Here is my try

    It should be film in B&W
    Ext: Street-Day
    A car is park on the side of the road infrontof the building.

    A man(with assasin looks) is sitting in his car and watch the ppl on the street.

    That man looks at his watches and keep watching the ppl on the street.
    He sip his vodka, and open the brown file folder.
    There’re some paper and picture of another man, kinda spyshot.
    He look at the picture and sip his vodka, then keep watching ppl on the street.

    Then the guy in the picture is coming out from the building.
    The man in the car look at the picture again.
    After make sure that this is his target, he sip the vodka again and smile(his face should turn red bynow)
    Then he start the engine and pulled his car off.(still looking at his target)

    BANG!!!!!!!

    He got hit by another car from behind.

    Black screen white font with the exciting bgm.
    Don’t Drink&Drive

  3. ม้าลายกระป๋อง Says:

    I got another funny idea, haha

    A man in his car is driving on a freeway which has a cliff next to it, ทางที่มันเลียบหน้าผาอ่ะ ไม่รุ้ว่ามันเรียกว่าไร
    He was drinking, ofcourse he was drunk too.
    He keep drinking and singing the song from the radio.
    After finished each one he will throw it out.
    While he try to pick another bottle from a plastic bag, he drop all of them on the พื้นรถ.
    He is a bit piss off, then grap one bottle from the พื้นรถ.
    Then he keep drinking and singing.

    There is a sharp turn sign, he saw the sign and touch the break.
    But the break doesn’t work, because there’s a bottle struck behind the break.
    He keep step on his break but it still doesn’t work.
    Then his car fell off from the cliff.

    And the super said

    ไทยประกันชีวิต

    kidding :P

    Don’t Drink&Drive
    :D
    ps. please correct my stupid English na kub:D
    Long time No essay :P

  4. Noopook Says:

    Alright. That’s really funny he he he.

    Oh, i just got The point in Nuch’s story by what Zebracan explain. he he sorry.. should try to read more carefully.

    Like the feeling in 1st story of Zebracan. It’s like a bumping car, but why shouldn’t he drink? it has nothing to do with get hitting from behind at all.

    The 2nd one is also good.. dangerous doesn’t come from the druken effect but the bottle itself.. ha ha ha… how about make him show off a bit by drifting a few U or S curve cliff road.. then at the end.. yes, fall off the cliff because the bottle struck behind the brake.

  5. ม้าลายกระป๋อง Says:

    ฺBecause if you didn’t drunk, you will check the road before pull off.
    :D
    when you drunk, your brain will act slower, so he forgot to check the road and focus only on his target.

  6. ม้าลายกระป๋อง Says:

    Hmm, second thought.
    It might not clear that this man is drunk.
    Some careless ppl also forgot to check the road too. :P

  7. nuch Says:

    Thank you for all comments. I really appreciate. :)

    Actually, I hate to defend my work. I believe that if people can’t understand my work, especially for writing, it means I fail for communication.
    Thanks to Zebracan for clarifying my idea to Noopook.

    To tell you the truth, my first idea is about killing someone but miss because of drinking…. similar to Zebracan’s. My concept is “Alcohol makes you lost controlling for fulfilling your will”. However, I felt uncomfortable when thinking about moral aspect. Therefore, I need to give the reason why he wants to kill.

    FYI to Noopook :
    In U.S., when purchasing alcohol, it’s by the law that you need to put it in the brown bag. You can’t show the alcohol in public even though it’s sealed. Moreover, you can’t have alcohol in your car though it’s sealed and is in brown bag. You have to put it in your trunk only.

    Therefore, I have the boy carried brown bag which contained cans of beer, because I want to nail how bad having alcohol is. Just go get one, you can harm someone. In addition, skateboarding is representing driving. ;)

  8. nuch Says:

    Oh.. Noopook,
    When you mentioned about too many “cut to”, I did understand what you mean….
    However, my intention to use many “cut to” is to help seeing the developing of being drunk. Morever, I intended to edit each cut along with heart-beating soundtrack so… each cut in the beginning might take just a second and a half.

  9. Noopook Says:

    Forgive me for my really bad english (He he…”Cut to”… what was I thinking?)…. I really have a hard time when I want to comment in “English, Dude!” post.

    Now I got more about your story after you explained more about timing and soundtrack. your scene seems ok now.

    Wait… “Killing the boy intentionally” still bother me. I still feel that he doesn’t deserve to die..At lease he said sorry to the lady. If you really really think that we have to kill the boy character. How about give the middle-aged man more reasons? Like.. um.. the boy is really a bad guy that completely drunk. After he hit the lady and the man came to help. The boy spit on them, kick the lady in the stomach and hit the man with his sketchboard until he pass out……. he he… Now I feel sorry for the middle-aged man that he miss the boy….

  10. ม้าลายกระป๋อง Says:

    Got one question to ask.
    What will the theme of this commercial will be kub, tragic, depress, or funny?

    I agree with P’ Noopook about the boy, cause he already said “sorry”. I think that mean he didn’t totally bad boy, he just don’t know what to do in that situation. And he is a boy, young boy I guess. So all he can do is run away, which I think maybe he will regret it later.

    But again if that boy bad as P’ Noopook said, I won’t like the mood of the commercial, too much violent and too much blood. Well, I like Gangster movie but seeing someone got beated isn’t what I want to see on a commercial.

    Like P’nuch said she need to have some reason for killed or be killed. So that boy gotta hit the pregnant woman, then her husband have a reson to kill that boy.
    For me, I think this situation might have a moral issue. For the realistic, it reasonable but I think too much moral issue.
    อธิบายแล้วงงเองแฮะ
    I mean it play with ppl’s heart too much, and maybe ppl will focus on that part more than drink&drive part. but thats just my thought, maybe other ppl won’t feel the same way as me.
    Anyway, still like ur main idea.
    So go with assasin or serial killer, then you won’t have to worried about the reason to kill :D

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